Zen Mama

Have you ever cried during a Batman film? I was talking to Tang and Ying Ying on the phone the other day, and we all mentioned the fact that we felt sad while watching "Batman Begins", because the storyline entails how Bruce Wayne lost his parents at a young age, and he often has flashbacks of special moments he had spent with his father. Memories of our father, and the feeling of his loss can hit at the most random times. I've spoken to several friends who have lost their parents before, and they all say the same thing. The loss of a loved one will linger, and the sadness will strike every now and then, forever... For me, I was recently sitting by the beach in Bali, Alexandre had just fallen asleep and I was leaning against Bertrand's shoulder watching the crimson rays of the setting sun glistening atop the crests of waves crashing against the shore. Memories of my Dad started crossing my mind... of him teaching me to do the "cha-cha" at my grade school bir...

Bertrand & Alexandre relaxing in Bali at dusk... check out the crossed legs!

This weekend I celebrated the beginning of another year of my life in a quietly sublime way, in Bali with the two "main men" in my life -- Bertrand and Alexandre. Bali is a place that one can always go to rejuvenate the soul... watching the waves crash against the shore as the palm trees sway above you, while sipping a banana or mango smoothie... While we were there, Alexandre touched grass for the first time, and had his first taste of sand on Legian Beach... much to his (obviously newbie) parents' chagrin. The razor-edged tip of his first tooth began to emerge from the pink flesh of his lower gums. And, he started to crawl, tentatively still, but he's getting around... alternating between crawling, dropping prone to the floor and dragging his body along while leading with his upper torso, then sitting up and starting all over again. It's astounding to watch him figure out his own body's capabilities, inch by inch, day by day ... Sometimes, I swear he smiles ...

Today, Alexandre started to be able to gradually push himself up from laying flat on his tummy into a sitting position! The way he does this ... starting from a prone position tummy down, he pushes upper body up into a "cobra" pose, then pushes himself up on his knees… which he has been doing for the past month or more... but now, the main difference is that he’s learned to push his upper torso back over his knees until his butt then rolls over his heels and onto the ground so he's sitting up! He’s still testing everything with his little index finger… from his food, to the water running down from the tap… to your face, or your ear… but you have to be careful, because he starts by gently poking at you and then… he curls the tip of his finger in and digs right in!

Alexandre happy in his perfect cobra pose! 

The first time Dad & Tang met Alexandre, in March 2005

Some coincidences are too strange to be called coincidental…. PHONE CALL On Thursday, May 12th, the day before I left HK for Chicago, I called my Dad to tell him I was coming to see him soon. That was a Wednesday evening in Chicago… he told me he’d be home in two days and that he’d call me then. But, he was groggy from the morphine, so I could barely discern what he was saying at the time. I could only understand him saying that he’d call me later. It was only after my father’s death that I found out what had actually happened on the other end of the phone in Chicago. Tang and Aunt Sau Fong were at my father’s bedside in the hospital. About two minutes before my Dad’s phone rang, he was lying in bed, he looked forward, smiled, and said my Chinese name, “ Wai Wai ” … then, minutes later, the phone rang, and it was me calling. It was like he knew I was about to call. We still don’t know if he meant “going home” to be going home to my sister’s place in Champaign, or if he meant that he w...

May 21, 2005: A Tribute to My Father (as delivered at his funeral in Chicago) I remember being in grammar school, approaching my teacher at her desk and, thinking I was being precocious, I made the statement that "time is passing by faster and faster". I think I was about 8 or 9 years old at the time. She laughed and said "wait until you get older". True enough, we all know, time flies now. From being little kids running around the China Doll restaurant which Dad owned, and which became our playground… to Tang and I both being parents ourselves, and my little sister finishing college and in the workforce now...it seems all that happened in the blink of an eye. The time between learning about our father's cancer and the time of his death --- has been less than 3 months. When our father first went in for a triple bypass last September, we had our first scare about our father's life. He was prepared for the worst already. He said he was not afraid. That he was ...

Friday, May 13th ... the night my father died, was a shock to all of us. I'm only able to write about it more clearly now... Though we were expecting him to pass soon, we didn't expect that it would happen less than two hours after my brother Tang, his son Jeremy, my son Alexandre and I arrived to see him. Alexandre and I had just flown in that afternoon to Chicago, on a flight from Hong Kong. We all drove to my sister Ying Ying's house in Champaign, where Dad had just been transferred from Rush Hospital earlier that day. The 3 of us were planning to take care of him in the comfort of home, during his last days of life. When I did see him, it was heart wrenching. I barely recognized the person lying there in bed – his eyes, red-rimmed and teary, were rolling up into their sockets, tubes were coming out of everywhere helping him to breathe and take care of other bodily functions. He was breathing noisily like a fish out of water, his temples had sunken in, and he could bare...